Taxi!

No, no you don’t understand, the address is L A R I V I E R A,
I say spelling it out slowly, you know, like ‘river’, but in Spanish?
I’m busy explaining my address to the taxi company. There is a
zero-tolerance drinking and driving policy in Dubai. If you’re caught,
you go to jail for a month, no questions asked.

So, 30 minutes later, I have been waiting at reception for longer
than I should have. I’ve spoken to the taxi driver a total of 3 times.
He has phoned me, I’ve phoned him. The Pakistani security guard
even gave it a shot, after which he shrugged and said, he speaks
Arabic, madam. Fair enough. And I speak English.I don’t understand,
he doesn’t understand, but hopefully he will find the way.
Eventually.

So Hasem, we’re on first-name basis by the time he arrives,
explains in broken English, that his English is not so good and
that frankly, he did not get half of what I said to him.
It’s ok, just take me to the Irish Village please.

On the journey there, I discover that Hasem, who is Egyptian,
is getting married in October, to a lovely girl called Sara.
I know she’s lovely, because he showes me her picture,
digging it out of his back pocket, while we’re hurtling along
at 120km an hour on Sheikh Zayed road.

He tells of hard working conditions, low wages, and that he
would like to do something other than drive a taxi. But his English
is not good enough, and he doesn’t have the time to study anyway.
In a sudden flash of inspiration, and possibly because I grew up
in a house where my mother was a teacher, I say to him, listen Hasem,
all you need to do is read more. So do yourself a favour,
buy a newspaper every day, keep an English/Arabic dictionary
in your car, and start reading. If you don’t understand something,
just ask, goodness knows, you certainly have enough of a
captive audience for most of the day.

I arrive at my destination, and Hasem is all smiles.
Hell, even I am feeling great at this point. Mabrouk on
getting married (congratulations) and Shukran (thank you)
I say in my own feeble attempt at bridging the language barrier.

*In the time it takes for the traffic light to change

I contemplate peeling my Minneola orange. I’m feeling quite hungry
after work. Then I dismiss the idea, thinking I would probably only
end up with sticky orange fingers and a half-peeled Minneola
in the one hand, angry motorists hooting at me in the background.
Another 30 seconds pass, and I start rooting around looking for the
Minneola that’s rolled in under the front passenger seat,
expecting the light to change at any minute now.
When I come up for air, orange in hand, it’s still red.

I start peeling the orange, keeping an eagle eye on the traffic light.
I finish peeling it and am feeling quite amazed that I’ve achieved this
sitting at the red light. Surely I won’t have time to eat it too!

This Minneola actually doesn’t taste half-bad. I wonder where
it’s imported from (for future reference).
I inspect the discarded peel to look for the little sticker on it.
Mmm, Turkey. Probably not genetically modified then
(if you’re wondering, yes, the light is still red).

I pop the last orange segment into my mouth, and am licking
my fingers clean when the light changes to green.
Just in time then, I think to myself.

*Hint: One can also compile and send 350 character texts on your
mobile phone, read the newspaper and make new friends with the
motorists in the neighbouring car while waiting for the light to change.

Driving on the wrong side of the road

Now, of course over here, that would be the right side of the road.
Anyway, it’s all crazy and edge-of-your-seat type of stuff to drive
over here. I’m definitely getting my daily dose of adrenaline.

Before I came over, I did a bit of reading-up in the Middle East
Lonely Planet travel guide, and the biggest danger in the UAE
was not murder, getting your handbag stolen, or even
getting caught in a huge sandstorm. It was the driving!
The danger doesn’t increase or decrease whether you’re in a car
or not. It’s best to watch out either way.

I would like to say that this is completely overrated. But I can’t.

Sheikh Zayed road which spans 5-6 lanes on each side,
is the main transport artery that runs through Dubai.
And it’s a nightmare if you’re on the wrong side of it
at the wrong time of day. If you’re on the right side of it,
at the right time of day, it’s best to just stick to lane 3 or 4
and look straight ahead. Just accept that you can’t control
what’s happening behind you.

During the recent two days of rain we had over here
(yes, it is the desert), there were approximately 1500
‘minor accidents’ that were reported.
That would amount to an accident happening every 2 minutes.

And by the way, road rage is not tolerated over here. If you swear
at someone or make any rude hand gestures,
you will be either thrown in jail or have to go to court and pay a
HUGE fine.

Good thing that I speak Afrikaans then.

Room with a view

People often exagerate. We’ve all done it a million times to make
a story that bit more juicy. See, there I go again. But I truly live
on a construction site. And I am sending pictures to prove it!

At the moment, I have a 180 degree view from my bedroom of an area
called Dubai Marina. Which is apparently THE address to have in Dubai.

In 2010, that is. When it will actually look like the glossy pictures
in the sales brochures they use to sell these mushrooming developments
to prospective buyers.

Until then, be prepared to sweep building dust out of your house
on a daily basis, and put up with builders working right outside
your bedroom window 24/7.

Ah, home sweet home it is then.